His and Hers

We all draw boundaries in our relationships. We have our side of the bed, our drawers, our cars, even our spot on the couch. But it doesn't stop there, does it?

We also have our chores and duties around the house. In fact, society has some stereotypes when it comes to chores, doesn't it? I think we could look at a list of chores and agree at least 80% of the time whose responsibility it is for a particular chore.

1. Laundry - Hers
2. Dishes - Hers
3. Changing light bulbs - His
4. Car maintenance - His
5. Grocery shopping - Hers
6. Yard care - His
7. Gardening - Hers

But I think if we let these stereotypes set into our relationships, we're doing ourselves a disservice. Looking after the household should be a shared responsibility. In fact, we should find joy in helping our spouses with those tasks that are "theirs". I think Ephesians 5:33 lays it out for us when it says that we should love our wives as ourselves, and that our wives should respect us.

Out of all the bosses you've had, which have you respected more, those that pitched in and helped out, or those that tossed everything into your queue? Why should your wife respect you if you don't first show her love? Are you worthy of her respect if you never stand in the gap for her and help her out?

Here is my challenge for you. Identify one task around your house that is traditionally her job, and start helping out without being asked. Even better, pick one that you let her do because it's your least favorite thing in the world to do. Don't call attention to it. This isn't about claiming praise for yourself. This it about taking on a servant's heart and loving on your wife. After all, isn't this the model that Christ set for us in His time on Earth?

I've started doing a lot more dishes these days. Especially with my new job, I find I have more time in the morning. Instead of sitting around trying to get caught up on social media, I take 10 minutes to unload the dishwasher. If there are dishes waiting, I go ahead and put them in too.

Guess what? I find I don't loathe doing the dishes as much as I used to. Further, my wife is happier. There's one less chore that she has to make time to get to, which reduces her stress. And when she's less stressful, our relationship is better. After all, if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And if mamma IS happy? Well, that can be a very good thing.

His and Hers?

Let's make it Ours, instead.

Irrational Reactions

I had a former coworker that I just could not deal with. Anytime he asked me a question, or approached me for information, my hackles went up and I turned on my "defensive" mode. I gave short answers, tried not to volunteer information, and basically did everything I could to make the conversation as short as possible.

I would get frustrated when they didn't immediately understand something I'd told them, even if it was brand new to them, and it had taken me over a decade to master. It was an unreasonable and irrational expectation on my part, and it was limited to this one co-worker. With other co-workers, I would be excited that they wanted to learn, and would spend the time to educate them. I would make sure they understood, and would carve out time from my schedule to help them out.

I honestly don't know why I have that difference in reactions. I tried lots of different tips, tricks and techniques to be less antagonistic with this guy. He's not the most technical person I've ever worked with, and would frequently get things wrong on the projects he worked on. Maybe that's the root cause. I was burned several times, so I just didn't trust him.

But why couldn't I move past that? Why couldn't I spend as much time trying to educate him, and help him out, as I did other co-workers? Again, I really don't know. It was almost a visceral reaction. It didn't matter what, I was just not going to cut this guy a break.

I'm ashamed about it, to be honest. It wasn't fair to him, and it was a very poor attitude on my part. I hope I never have that happen again.

How have you dealt with a co-worker that just completely and irrationally rubbed you the wrong way?